It was less than 12 months ago.
I was in a veritable Magic Faraway Tree of topsy turvy worlds.
George Clooney had been ditched by his girlfriend
This week, the media is awash with tales of how the seemingly-eternal bachelor has been nabbed/tamed/snagged by an uber-savvy brunette who has already earned the moniker of HRH (Human Rights Hottie) and at every opportunity is flashing dark locks and some seriously chiselled cheekbones
All the while:
- single women the world over, regardless of the likelihood that they would have ever crossed paths with GC, let alone done any snaring), and
- every gay man who believed George’s procession of girlfriends was a carefully choreographed ruse
sighed…. just a little.
Let’s just put aside our feelings that WE might have been that ONE, and consider here what it would have taken to snare the world’s most eligible bachelor.
The Good News
- You don’t need to be blonde. Since 40s chick has a long history of the relentless pursuit of blonde in an ongoing battle with my genetic predisposition to mousey, and to the detriment of my credit card balance, this is cold, cold consolation.
- You can have a major shoe shortcoming. This will include inappropriate combining of short boots and beige stockings, (who does peep toes with stockings?)
and a very clashy approach to flats
The Bad News
- You need to be Oxford educated and speak three languages (and the Braille/lala-speak that comes out of you after 1.5 bottles of Veuve does not count as one of these)
- You need to have clients that include Kofi Annan and Julian Assange, you need to have a role advising the UN and you might also need to be the legal adviser to the King of Bahrain. Being an occasional letter-writer to the Herald-Sun and a protester to the local council on the topic of inappropriate suburban medium-density housing (hello, City Of Boroondara!) may not count.
- At the tender age of 36, when 40s chick was still trying (and failiing) to nail that pivotal decision point where you walk away from Tequila shots, you need to be capable of representing the interests of the entire population of the Ukraine.
Which only goes to prove, that instead of George being the one who got nabbed, it might just have been the reverse, that Amal was the uber-catch of the singleton world and that it is GC that is counting his lucky stars that he planted an ethically-mined sparkler on someone with slightly more ambitious life goals than a blonde lady-wrestler.
If you are taking your online dating a little more seriously than this blog, check out this website for fabulously simple online dating advice.